Forgotten Fridays, Foster Care Affects on Kids Already in Your Home, Foster ParentingDec. 19, 2014

Forgotten Friday: Does foster/adoption affect your biological kids?

“I can’t foster/adopt I have my own children. I’ve heard that kids who have foster kids in their homes get messed up.”

This I hear at least once a week. To be very honest I used this same excuse with God before I started on our journey. I remember the conversation with God so vividly.

Me: “God, why would you wait till I’m so old, and have three teenagers, to call us to this world now?”

It was one of those moments that it’s as if God was sitting next to you. You know, as if He is looking at you, waiting to respond. Then He goes and responds in a way that leaves you speechless and feeling like “did I really ask that?” Yes this is how I felt when He answered me this day.


Now that’s a concept I hadn’t thought of. I mean would God really be using this in their lives? Does He love them so much that He had already thought of them in what He was calling our family to?

I mean I had gone to each one of our teenagers individually asking them their thoughts on fostering/adoption. I don’t know why I was surprised that Each one began to tell me how God was preparing their heart already. What? No! I was secretly hoping that just one of them would not be “on board.” If I could get one teenager to say no then I was in the clear right? Whew!

So we started the process. In just eight weeks we were “approved and waiting.” Those words you long to hear. So how long would it be before we were chosen. They don’t give you any idea of a time frame because it is different for everyone. For us it was………….A week! I wasn’t ready! A week! This is supposed to take at least a year right? No, God had three children that would join our family forever. Yes we were fostering to adopt three.
So what was a 14, 16 and a 17 year old going to do with a 3, 13 month old a newborn baby?

To my surprise LOVE them! Why was I surprised that God would use this in a positive thing and not a negative? Why was I surprised that my teenagers didn’t resent them? Why was I surprised that God was using this in their lives to form their hearts like His? This actually could be a positive thing! This was a part of His plan for our teenagers. To teach them that love is unconditional.


So three years later and how are your teenagers? Different! They will not be the same as before! This is a true statement! They serve every Sunday after church in a neighborhood loving children and feeding them a meal. Ending this time with a devotion. They do this on their own. Loving children that don’t look like themselves. I have seen all three of them go on international mission trips to love kids that don’t look like us. That don’t live in a house like we do. Don’t dress like we do. I have never made them them go. Actually, I watched God answer the prayer of my 17 year old, not once but twice, this summer to go on two international mission trips.

Has this had an affect on your biological kids? Yes it has! It certainly has taken all five of us to love these babies! There have been days where they have held a crying baby for me to finish dinner. Or a teenager to take a three year old outside and throw a football. A teenager to grab a child as I’m running to the bathroom with another in arm.

Yes God, it has taken all five of us to love them! Just as YOU love all eight of us!

Tonya Royal

Tonya Royal

Tonya is married to Mike and they live in Spartanburg, SC. Mike is the pastor of Eastside Baptist Church. They have six children, three biological and three they adopted through foster care. Knowing that God had more for me to do in our community through foster care I continued to pray. I longed to unite the body of Christ with meeting the needs that our eyes were now opened to. I was introduced to The Forgotten Initiative and knew immediately that this encompassed everything that I had been praying for.

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