Last night while putting the girls to bed, “Lu” became rather anxious about “scary people coming into our house.” I wasn’t sure if this was a “common childhood fear” moment or if this indeed had been part of her past.
You know it’s heartbreaking that it could have been. It breaks my heart that I don’t even know. She is now becoming my daughter and I know only little of her first 3 years. This is the stuff that hurts, because she has gone through such pain. Some of it I was able to be there for her. When we told her she was going to have her “goodbye” visit with her parents and she just started protesting with tears. When we found out some startling news (that I’m not comfortable sharing here) that simply broke her little heart. When she reached up to me and held on to me, arms wrapped tightly around my neck and cried. This is the stuff that hurts. It’s not fair and it’s not okay. All I can do is simply be there. Love her through it. Bend down and sit with her – right in the mess and the pain. Hold her close and remind her of my love – all the while begging God to pour out HIS love.
Last night after reassuring her that the room was safe and our house was safe and that Daddy was our big strong protector, I took a risk and I did ask. “Honey, were there ever scary people that came into your Mommy ‘D’ and Daddy ‘Bs’ house? Her response took me off guard and made Raegan who was sitting in the bed next to us start to cry.
“I don’t remember my house.”
You see, Lu never really lived with her parents. She spent most of her little life with her Grandma. Grandma was loving and kind and cared deeply for Lu but she spent so little time with her parents that she can’t even remember her house.
That makes me so sad and yet I have seen God take the broken pieces of her little life and bless us with her trust and love and joy. We have the privelege of loving her deeply. Adoption is born from loss. Adoption from foster care presents some very real challenges and wounds (especially when children are old enough to remember life before). Adoption is a beautiful representation of Jesus’s love for us. He bends down – right in the middle of our mess and scoops us up. He has a beautiful picture of the life He’s called us to and all He asked is that we trust Him and allow Him to take each lovingly crafted puzzle piece and place it where it belongs.
The adventure awaits you and I. Sit back, relax, and….hold on tight. 🙂 He will hold you, my friends and He will allow you to hold those he calls you to love.