Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJul. 24, 2015

Forgotten Friday: A Letter to the Children Who Will Soon Come into Our Home

I’m praying for you.

I know that if you come to our house soon, that means that bad things are probably happening to you right now. It may feel like your world is caving in. You may be too young to know that these bad things are not normal and are not ok. Or you may still be in the womb, fighting to thrive and develop in a toxic environment.

I wish I could somehow assure you that there are people who want to help you, to pull you away from risk, to help your family figure out how to be a good family, and help you all get back together again if they have learned how to keep you safe.

Trent and I are ready to care for you, love you, support you and help you heal. We are here for you to talk with, cry with, and laugh with…whenever you are ready.

We understand that you probably won’t trust us at first and you might even be scared of us and this strange house you have been brought to. That’s ok. I promise. We’ll show you around the house so you know where everything is and we’ll give you time to get to know us. We can do some fun things together like watch a movie or bake some cookies.

You don’t have to call us Mom and Dad if you don’t want to. And if you do want to, that’s just fine. You can call us whatever feels comfortable to you.

We know you might be missing your parents, even if they hurt you or didn’t take care of you, simply because they are your parents. I want you to know that it’s ok and normal to miss your family and your house and it’s also ok for you to like us and enjoy being at our house. That doesn’t mean you love your family any less. These tangled up feelings can be tricky to figure out. We respect your feelings; we respect your background; and we respect your parents.

The “maybe days” ahead won’t be easy. Maybe you’ll be able to go back to your old house. Maybe you’ll get to see your mom soon. Maybe… It’ll seem like a lot of things in your life are in the hands of a lot of strangers, but those people just want what’s best for you and it will take them a little while to get it all figured out. We can wait and wonder and walk through the maybe days together.

I’ll tell you a secret. This is going to be new and strange and different and scary for me and Trent too. We are getting ready for you the best we can. I bought you some colorful bandaids, some cool toothbrushes, some watermelon shampoo and some nightlights, but if you don’t like those things or if you need more nightlights, you can come back to the store with us and pick it out just for you, just the way you like it. It might take a bit of time for us to get the kind of things you like and get your room all set up, but I want you to know that our hearts are ready for you.

Oh our hearts are so ready for you. I have prayed for you daily and cried over the struggle or danger that your little life’s path will come across before you come to our house. If you are hurting right now, if you are hungry, or sick, or confused, or sad, or alone…I wish I could assure you that we are waiting for you and we want to help you and love you in this scary time. We want to help bring the light back into a darkened childhood and help your family all we can.

And, sweet little child, if the grown-ups in charge of these maybe days decide that it’s not safe for you to go back to your old house and live with your family again, we will cry with you and try to help you heal from this huge loss that your little heart suffers. That will always be your old house, they will always be your family in your heart and you can talk about them with us whenever you want to. They are a part of you and we honor that.

Dear one, if things turn out this way and you can’t go home, I want you to know that our home can be your home. If you want to, if you are happy here, we would love for you to become part of our forever family. Here at the beginning that sounds far off and hard to understand, so we sure don’t have to talk about that right away. We’ll take things one day at a time. We’ll get to know each other, we’ll do fun things together, we’ll walk through hard times together, we’ll learn a lot and we’ll see how things turn out.

May the Lord bless you and keep you; may He make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; may He lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Anna Futral Anna Futral

Anna is a CPA in Central Texas and half of a couple who wanted to be a mom and dad but just weren’t that into the idea of having babies. After much prayer and research, she and her husband, Trent, felt called to build their family through foster care. They are now parents to two feisty, hilarious little kids who will soon become a forever part of their family. When she’s not working or chasing two energetic toddlers, Anna blogs at www.missannapie.com about their foster-to-adopt journey and other life adventures.

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