Adoption, Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 12, 2015

Make a Difference Monday: The good, the bad and the ugly

From my earliest of memories I always knew I wanted to become a foster/adoptive parent. I didn’t know where in my future that would lead me, but trusted God to provided the way.  Flash-forward to being a foster mom and adoptive parents for the past 5 years, I have relied heavily on the saying, I love you in the good, the bad, and the ugly.

To understand this more comes from a deep relationship with the Lord.  My husband and I took a step in faith to break the birth order in our house, and felt called to adopt a teen. It has been 2 ½ years and is still so raw for us.  I feel as if the first year we tried to stabilize and the second year we are working on attachment.

At times I get angry when I hear stories of how she was mistreated in foster care, and often wonder how we did not find her sooner.  Her main hatred was respite; to her that is the place where you go when your foster family doesn’t want you to join them on trips. So much pain.

I remember her first big blow up, she hurt us with her words and she went to her room packed up her stuff, hurled all sorts of insults, took everything off the walls and slept on the floor.  The next morning she had calmed down, asked with a flat face and low tone avoiding eye contact, when her caseworker would be there to get her.  I smiled and told her, she was not coming.  I continued to explain she is not disposable, and that we love her in the good, the bad, and the ugly. Her face was so confused, she had never been told that. She had no idea how to react to it.  She just sobbed. We hugged and I told her, I love you in the good, the bad, and the ugly. How my heart broke for her yet wanted her to understand we were still upset about her behavior.

This has not been an easy road for us, but a road in which Jesus is always stepping in to our pain, loving our brokenness and showing us how to love big.  As a community of believers and the church, these kids deserve more, they need to know that when it gets tough, we are not going to walk away from them.  She lived in 12 homes since 6, and apparently that’s normal.  NONE of this should be NORMAL.

This is complete sacrificial loving of another.  That’s the way Jesus loves us.  He meets us in our messy life and walks bedside us whispering, I love you in the good, the bad and the ugly.  There are more church’s than I can think of and if every person did one small thing to impact a child in foster care, we would change lives and the outcomes of these children.  If we don’t invest in them now, then when they are adults the odds are against them.

Lets stand together as a Nation and say we can help ONE.

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.  The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty.  We must start in our own home to remedy this kind of poverty. – Mother Teresa

Jen Eccles

Jen Eccles

Jen and Eric of Waynesboro VA. We are a crazy God loving family of 8. I am a Pediatric ICU nurse and love caring for children. My husband is a Fire Fighter. We have 6 children three girls and three boys. I have felt the call to be foster and adoptive parent since a young age. We have fostered for the past 4 years and have adoptive two beautiful children. I truly believe fostering is Living into the Gospel. It is a messy and beautiful journey of Redemption and Love. Helping Bio moms find there true potential and cheerleading them on, and loving children who are broken from their parents sins. It's a Love that gives and not always receives.

Comments (1) Leave a Comment

  • HI JEN.

    I LOVE YOUR FAITH AND COMMITMENT TO THE CHILD THAT YOU BROUGHT HOME.
    IT SHOULD BE THE KIDS SHOULD A NOTICE ON THEM SAYING, NON-REFUNDABLE WHEN WE GET INVOLVED.
    PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU HAVE NEEDS.

    SINCERE BLESSINGS,
    JOANIE

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