This is a peek inside the kinds of conversations we have in our family every day. It’s not always comfortable for either of us, but it’s important that we both trust each other enough to be honest.
💙 Mom, do I have to be in adoption.
Yeah, buddy, you do. Foster care wasn’t meant to be forever. Can you tell me why you don’t want to be adopted?
💙 I don’t want to be in adoption because I want to live with my first mom.
Okay, so living with first mom is plan A. And if plan A is not an option, where do you want to go?
💙 I want nothing.
So cease to exist. That’s plan B. That’s not really an option because you already exist. So if you were to put adoption somewhere in your alphabet list, where would it be?
💙 I don’t know. It’s up to you.
No, it’s not really up to me because right now I want to know what you want.
💙 Can we talk about what you want after?
Sure! We can talk about what I want after.
💙 Ok, you can have this side of the page. I’ll write your name here.
Thank you! Okay, so if you were going to put adoption somewhere in the alphabet list, where would it be?
💙 Maybe here.
So adoption is here at plan D.
💙 Yeah. That’s it. What do you want?
Okay, I want you to close your eyes, and I’m going to write my list. I think you might be surprised how much our lists have in common.
💙 Are you done?
Yes! Open your eyes. This is plan A. Live with tummy mummy. In God’s plan, when everything is perfect, and there is no sin and bad choices, this is always plan A. But there is sin, and there are bad choices, right?
💙 Oh yeah! There’s lots of sin.
So sometimes because of sin, things aren’t safe, and the grownups are dealing with big grownup things, so the kids need a place to stay while the parents deal with grownup things. That’s where people like me come in. I’m a foster mom. I’m plan B. I’m a safe place for kids to stay while the parents deal with grownup things. And if everything goes right, and the parents deal with the grownup things, kids get to go back to live with tummy mummy or biological dad.
💙 And that can’t happen for me.
Right, and if that can’t happen, we go to plan C. Plan C is for a kid to be able to live with another family member like a grandparent or an aunt or uncle. But sometimes those family members live in unsafe places, or they’re dealing with big grownup things, too. That’s when adoption comes. It’s plan D.
💙 That’s the road we’re on. We can’t forget the road.
That’s right–the long road. And with adoption, you get lots of things like family and forever and a new name.
💙 Like say if someone’s name was Bill. What’s a last name?
💙 Yeah, Jones, and he’s in adoption, and he gets a new name, and he’s Bill Lows.
💙 But what if the adoption parents have the big grownup things? Like if you started drinking drugs. It starts over.
Do you trust me buddy? Do you trust me to be a good parent to you?
💙 Yes! I mean, maybe.
Well, you’re right. I’m not perfect. But do you trust God?
💙 Of course!
God is perfect, right?
💙 Yeah! He’s made of perfect!
So you and I, we both have to trust God to help me be a good parent in our family that He’s making. And God can put families together in lots of different ways. Things like adoption or foster care or marriage or birth.
💙 Marriage and birth, those things go together.
Yeah, they do. God could choose to grow our family in any of these ways.
💙 I want to make our family huge.
Me, too, buddy. We’ll just have to wait and see how God does it. Can you tell me about what you’re feeling right now?
💙 Happy! Because I have you, and you are wonderful.
Aw, thanks, buddy! I’m sorry there has to be sad mixed with the happy.
💙 Yeah, sad is like peanut butter, and the rest of the feelings are like bread, and they all get a little sad.
That makes sense. Do you have any more feelings?
💙 I’m proud.
Ah, tell me about that.
💙 I’m proud of you and me and Olive and Johnny and Aunt Leigh and Uncle Donny and all four of the babies.
Oh, so you’re proud of our family.
💙 Yeah, I’m proud of our family.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
K. Faith Morgan
I am a dyslexic writer, asthmatic singer, world traveler with a rotten sense of direction, and single foster mom learning how to parent by God’s grace. I am foster mom to one and aunt to quadruplets. I am a southern girl, but design is my football. I can’t follow X’s on a football field, but John Singer Sargent’s portrait of Madame X makes my heart skip a beat. I believe great design can change lives, and life is too short for beige. Free is my favorite word, clearance is my second favorite word, and sesquipedalian is my third favorite word. Learn more about my fostering journey at momunprepared.wordpress.com.