I remember the drive, the feelings and her face.
I got her little girl dressed, drove to the mall and unloaded the car with nervous hands and an even shakier heart.
As I rounded the corner of the playground where our first meeting was set to take place, I felt my own insecurity surging unsteadily. I was met with emotions that had never even grazed the borders of my mama heart.
I watched her face light up as she saw her baby again.
She became, in that moment, just another mama.
I watched that baby reach for her, then search her soul for the only mama she knew.
And my heart sank.
Since that day, I have met more moms on playgrounds and sterile visitation rooms.
I’ve wrestled with myself as I’ve encountered bio mom after bio mom. I haven’t always felt those kind emotions. Sometimes I have punched grace and mercy right in the face as my love for someone else’s baby takes flight and my need to be right and firm and just stands tall. And other moments, I have found myself sobbing with a mama for reunification and reconciliation and in the same breath listing the reasons she’s not fit to take care of anyone.
And there in my confusion, I have grasped the inconceivable–these babies are our connectors.
I have hugged a birth mom and felt the palpable pain that she can do nothing about. She’s alone and searching. Or she’s given up because the fight has defeated everything she’s given. The system is too powerful and the people don’t really care. So many remain silent and she’s left to defend the only life she’s ever known.
But her power isn’t enough.
And she needs to know she’s not really alone.
Kristy and Zach are biological parents to four beautiful kiddos. They have called nineteen others their own since starting their journey as a foster family in the summer of 2012. They say yes to the hard and crazy as they follow Jesus on this journey of surrender and obedience. Kristy loves coffee, good conversation, comfy clothes and Anne of Green Gables. She is assertive and loves change as she learns to thrive in the chaos. Follow Kristy on her personal blog,This Hard Calling.