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Category: Children in Foster Care

Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference Mondays, ReunificationNov. 12, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Loving When You Know You’ll Lose

I laid my sweet boy down in the crib tonight. My shirt was damp from his drool and my left arm was tingling as sensation slowly returned. Seconds earlier, his sleepy head rested heavy in the sweet spot of my mama arm–that place that was made just for a baby’s noggin. As I stood from the rocker, his body was limp…so trusting and so at ease. For the flash of that moment, he was mine. Life felt routine and comfortable. I was just another mom effortlessly dancing to the light music of motherhood. And just like that, the moment was […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 9, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Congrats.

A beautiful sixteen-year-old walked into our lives and home on Monday night. Like every other child who has been placed with us, she didn’t want to move. But here she is. Here we all are. Trying to figure out life together as strangers under one roof. As needed, we let friends and colleagues know we have a new foster child. After hearing our update, a neighbor shot me a friendly “Congrats!” and looked to me for a response. Crickets. I. Couldn’t. Say. Anything. I know she meant well, but I also know foster care and the pain and sadness that […]

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Children in Foster Care, Family Support, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysNov. 5, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | If Your Son or Daughter Is a Foster Parent

I love this picture of my dad and my oldest son sharing a shake when he was just a little guy. We fostered him for close to two years and we all underestimated how deeply we would fall in love. We didn’t know how hard the road would be or how complex feelings are when you want biological parents to succeed; yet, you also want so desperately to hold on to the kiddo that captured your heart. It was close to two years before we were declared his (legal) family and on that day, our entire family exhaled a collective […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 2, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Behind Closed Doors

Have you ever held a broken child in your arms as they cried out for their mommy, hoping, wishing, praying you could do anything to take the pain away? Have you ever tried brushing the teeth of a 2-year- old who screamed in pain because every tooth was decayed due to the neglect they faced at the very hands of their own parents? Have you ever had to sit down two children, both under the age of 5, and explain to them how their mommy is in jail and you have no idea when she’ll be out? Each and every […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, Vulnerable ParentsOct. 26, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Walking Through Adoption Loss

While driving to Red Robin on a date with my 9-year-old, I could tell he wasn’t his jolly self. I couldn’t quite read his expression and for fear of driving off the road while trying, I determined to wait until we stopped. It was then that I could get a good look into his eyes. “What’s wrong, buddy?” I asked. You see, we had been discussing adoption and his birth parents a little bit before. He looked away, leaned into the side of the car and the tears spilled out. Adoption starts with loss. This child came to us as […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 22, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Can I ask you something? (Part 4)

Where are you on adoption? Honestly, we’re exactly where we were the last time you asked. The government moves at its own plodding pace; we just have to be patient (and it’s not always easy). In some ways, I think it’s been good for L. to have more time to process his adoption. In other ways, the drawn-out transition has been hard on both of us. Of course, once things are finalized, we’re going to Disney World, and that can’t happen soon enough for either of us! When can you say what happened to him/show his face/share his full name? […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 8, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Would you still love me if…?

Almost 11 years ago, I was told that I had HIV. *** As an unemployed, broke college student looking for an easy way to make cash, I thought that donating plasma would be just the thing to put a little change in my pockets. So, I headed off to the plasma donation center. The process went smoothly, and I left thinking that perhaps I could become a regular plasma donor in lieu of finding a “real” job. The girl at the front desk did remind me that the center would call me after completing some testing to ensure that I was […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 1, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | I love you, too.

Before foster parenting, I can’t remember a time when I said “I love you” and it wasn’t returned. When there wasn’t an immediate expression of similar affection. An “I love you, too.” But in foster care, I am learning love isn’t so simple or so easy. Kids already have parents they love. And the love they know often looks different than the love I have been shown. But no matter what it looks like, it is still love and it is still theirs to keep. Some kids ache to go back to a love I don’t understand. Others see their […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysSep. 24, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | 5 Reasons Foster Parents Need to Attach to their Foster Child

You bring a child or sibling group into your home for who knows how long. You don’t know very much about them. You work at creating as much calm as you can in the midst of a new normal for everyone. Parent visits, school work, possibly counselor visits, and behavioral challenges make the transition challenging. You focus on providing as much as care and support as you can for your new foster child. Yet at the same time, you guard your heart. If you have had much training, you know that your new foster child will come with some attachment struggles. But […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingSep. 14, 2018

Forgotten Friday | It’s not my story to tell.

The two-year-old girls currently living in our home are the exact same height with blonde hair and only a 0.2 pound difference in their weight. I’m a biological mom to one and a foster mom to the other. They’re five months apart, and there has not been a day that I’ve gone into public with them when I’ve not been asked by a random stranger (if not 3-4 random strangers), “Are they twins?”  Usually, I politely smile and say, “No they’re not,” and the little girls continue stuffing their faces while I continue stuffing the grocery cart. My brief answer suffices […]

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