Blog Archives

Category: Children in Foster Care

Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysNov. 20, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | The Other Ending

Our first foster case ended with a beautiful reunification. Mom worked the plan. The plan worked. It was an emotional escapade that had its fair share of curve balls but in the end, on the day we drove her home, we felt like we finished well. Like what we had given her was our best. Our love was authentic and our work was complete. No one warned me of the other ending. I remember my first other with vivid color. I sat on my striped loveseat with a packed suitcase by my front door, windows open, as my eyes frequently […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 17, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Recognizing Signs of Sexual Abuse as a Foster Parent

Foster parents have a duty to be an advocate for the children in their care. Often, these children come from troubled homes and have been victims of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. While signs of physical abuse are fairly obvious, indications that a child has suffered sexual abuse can be less clear. There are several indicators of sexual abuse, that, taken as a grouping or pattern, should prompt foster parents to inform a pediatrician and law enforcement. Four Possible Signs of Abuse The signs below would be considered post-abuse, as opposed to signs that abuse has very recently (within 24-48 […]

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Children in Foster Care, Education, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 10, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Understanding Reactive Attachment Disorder

Our kids (both adopted from foster care) have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Kids with RAD engage in intense power struggles with their caregivers because they have learned their previous caregivers didn’t do a good job of meeting their needs. For our kids, here’s what these power struggles look like: If we give our kids a two-step instruction, they do the second step before they do the first step. If we ask them to put on their coat before school, they’ll put on their backpack instead. I laid out a lightweight coat for my daughter last week during our 50-60 degree weather […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 30, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | A Trauma Mama Watches “Stranger Things”

I don’t watch scary movies. Ever. At all. I’m not interested in being scared for fun. The daily diaper changes and the ever-present laundry question “what is in that pocket” are about all the suspense my body can handle. So I was not that interested in watching “Stranger Things” in spite of all the positive reviews. I am a married woman, so I am not the sole possessor of the remote control and one night found my husband fully engaged in the first episode. He continued to watch through the series and I joined him for bits and pieces as […]

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Children in Foster Care, Education, Forgotten FridaysOct. 27, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Why Won’t Your Foster or Adopted Child Look You in the Eyes?

My son is just now beginning to look me in the eyes when I talk to him. He is almost seven and has been in our family for six years. Sometimes I gently hold his cheek and ask him to look at me. He seems to try, but he looks at the ceiling, to either side, glances at my eyes for a split second, then quickly looks away. I feel sadness rather than anger or frustration. My father heart longs for his trust; for him to feel safe with me. As I said, he is looking into my eyes now […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 23, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | Let’s Celebrate! Series Finale of Confidentiality and Foster Care (Part 4)

This is part four in a series discussing the importance of confidentiality in foster care. Read Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Foster parents, let’s celebrate the children in our care! Let’s celebrate BIG! Let’s celebrate often! And since we know celebration can and does exist outside of social media, let’s celebrate privately. Y’all remember that time I was a Christmas villain?  Please know this: I needed to celebrate my brand new foster son that Christmas morning, and he needed to be celebrated. He was worth celebrating, and we were overjoyed for such an opportunity. It wasn’t the photo that broke confidentiality, […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 16, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | Achieving Confidentiality in Foster Care (Part 3)

This is part three in a series discussing the importance of confidentiality in foster care. Read Part 1. Part 2. Please know, I did not come to this place easily, nor did I want to arrive here. I’m a photographer, and I happened to have the two best cheeks on earth living with me. I longed to share photos, I longed to share specific prayer needs, and I also just longed to share him. I just knew that if people experienced his precious, sweet perfection, they would be less inclined to fear foster care, and more inclined to sacrifice everything to love […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 9, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | Confidentiality and Identity in Foster Care (Part 2)

This is part two in a series discussing the importance of confidentiality in foster care. Read Part 1. We had a sitter once who asked about a friend’s newly adopted child, not by the child’s name or status as a son or daughter, but by the child’s ethnicity. In that very moment, I realized that I needed to be much more confidential about the reasons our foster child was in our care. Because the reasons he came into care did not define him then, and they don’t define him now. Those obstacles are not his identity, nor is the fact that […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Forgotten FridaysOct. 6, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Honesty and Redemption

“What do you want me to do with this? What am I supposed to do with this?” I cried to God as I sat on a bench outside my office. Just a couple hours earlier, I had spent my lunch break on that same bench praying and fasting. Every day in this ministry is hard. The weight is so heavy, I feel like I’m physically getting shorter some days, and I prefer to shrink alone. When I’m dealing with hard things, I tend to isolate myself because that just seems easier. I hide from friends. I hide from family. I […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysOct. 2, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | That Time I Was a Christmas Villain (Part 1)

This is part one in a series discussing the importance of confidentiality in foster care.  If you work in the medical field, or in social work, law, education, etc… you know this: Confidentiality matters. It matters for very obvious reasons and for SO many reasons beyond what is completely obvious. I’m writing about this topic from a foster parenting perspective… One that I didn’t always understand or hold for myself… at least not until I became a foster parent and loved not only the child in my home, but also his mom, his brother and sister, his grandparents, his great […]

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