Blog Archives

Category: Children in Foster Care

Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysFeb. 12, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Love Heals All

I hold on tight as I embrace the hug from my foster daughter. Her legs awkwardly fumble to get comfortable as she wraps them around me as if she were a mere toddler. Her small frame can be felt as I squeeze her tight and remind her just how much I love her. My heart hurts when I realize these hugs will not last forever, but I remind myself that with each warm embrace I am teaching her she deserves to be loved. That alone is worth it. I wipe the tears away from my 2-year-old’s eyes as she falls […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, Vulnerable ParentsFeb. 9, 2018

Forgotten Friday | When the Church Loves the Vulnerable

I remember when the Lord first opened my eyes to the foster care world. It was November 2009 and my heart broke as I watched a video of a 6-year-old girl who was waiting for a foster home to be found for her. The worker sat with her and made multiple phone calls to potential foster parents and each one said no for one reason or another. My husband and I were in our own waiting season during that time and had also been facing multiple rejections. God used that moment, that experience, to awaken me to something I had […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysFeb. 5, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Why You Should Never Give Up on Foster Care

I get it! Let me just say that clearly before we go too much further. I completely understand why people want to walk away from foster care altogether. If you’re not dealing with difficult case managers, a court system that says one thing but does another, birth parents who continually bail on visitations, you’re dealing with children who are pushing you to your absolute limit! We’ve been there. We have the scars to prove it. So, I get it. In 2008, just four years after we began taking placements, we had both had enough. One of our placements was diagnosed […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingFeb. 2, 2018

Forgotten Friday | On Being Real Sisters

Pulling up to our elementary school to pick up the girls last week and as I inched closer, I noticed they were both in tears. They were standing with their hands intertwined and locked at their sides and clearly holding back the full out ugly cry. They loaded in the minivan and Evy immediately burst into full out sobs, “They were making fun of us and said ‘you are not sisters.’” The other kids had clearly pointed out the first thing everyone notices about our family: Our children have different skin colors and therefore, in their grade school logic and […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysJan. 29, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Attachment Disorder: What Do You Do When a Child Attaches Too Quickly?

We often talk about attachment disorder from the perspective of the long awaited real hug, or genuine “I love you.” But what do you do when your child attaches too quickly? February in the Midwest is guaranteed to be bitter cold and filled with snow…well at least until this year. For the last three weeks we have had temperatures in the 70s and sunshine almost every day. Consequently, the grass is turning green and bulbs which should be dormant for another month are pushing through the soft earth and blooming just a bit too early. I have enjoyed these last […]

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Adoption, Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Make a Difference MondaysJan. 8, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Why Foster Care Matters

I haven’t written much about our foster journey lately. Partly because there isn’t much new to report with S’s case, and partly because we just want to forget that S isn’t our biological child and move on with our lives as a family of five. However, we all know that this is not how the real world works. After a fantastic vacation to Disney where not one person asked us if S was our biological child (bliss!) we were right back to reality with doctor appointments and case worker visits. Even though we are working towards adoption with S, my […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten FridaysDec. 15, 2017

Forgotten Friday | The Me I Once Was

Yet another inspiring video from Heschle, the makers of ReMoved and Remember My Story. Short but not sweet, this two minute and thirty-seven second rap is painful to watch. It wasn’t violent. Lord of the Rings, on the other hand, is much more graphic. But somehow I didn’t shutter or want to turn away in the same way I did from these words and images. Here, it’s the raw, unwavering emotion of a young woman who knew such violence and abuse and names it. She doesn’t pull punches or pretend her pain wasn’t real and ugly and unfair. She also […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysNov. 20, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | The Other Ending

Our first foster case ended with a beautiful reunification. Mom worked the plan. The plan worked. It was an emotional escapade that had its fair share of curve balls but in the end, on the day we drove her home, we felt like we finished well. Like what we had given her was our best. Our love was authentic and our work was complete. No one warned me of the other ending. I remember my first other with vivid color. I sat on my striped loveseat with a packed suitcase by my front door, windows open, as my eyes frequently […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 17, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Recognizing Signs of Sexual Abuse as a Foster Parent

Foster parents have a duty to be an advocate for the children in their care. Often, these children come from troubled homes and have been victims of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. While signs of physical abuse are fairly obvious, indications that a child has suffered sexual abuse can be less clear. There are several indicators of sexual abuse, that, taken as a grouping or pattern, should prompt foster parents to inform a pediatrician and law enforcement. Four Possible Signs of Abuse The signs below would be considered post-abuse, as opposed to signs that abuse has very recently (within 24-48 […]

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Children in Foster Care, Education, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 10, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Understanding Reactive Attachment Disorder

Our kids (both adopted from foster care) have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Kids with RAD engage in intense power struggles with their caregivers because they have learned their previous caregivers didn’t do a good job of meeting their needs. For our kids, here’s what these power struggles look like: If we give our kids a two-step instruction, they do the second step before they do the first step. If we ask them to put on their coat before school, they’ll put on their backpack instead. I laid out a lightweight coat for my daughter last week during our 50-60 degree weather […]

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