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Category: Children in Foster Care

Children in Foster Care, Family Support, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysJun. 19, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | Sometimes It’s the Parent Who Needs to Regulate

Isn’t it a shock when you see yourself on video? Often we say, “I didn’t know I looked or sounded like that.” We aren’t aware of our tone, our posture, our facial expressions, or even how we communicate our emotions. Part of self-awareness is recognizing that what we think or feel on the inside doesn’t always translate accurately through our voice, emotions, and actions. Or do they? Remember Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood? I can hear him now singing his simple greeting song: “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood. It’s a beautiful day for a neighbor. Could you be mine? Would […]

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Children in Foster Care, Family Support, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJun. 16, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Don’t Ever Forget That {words for parents of special needs kids}

Oh, boy. There is nothing like being at a busy and popular outdoors store (aka: the “big” Bass Pro Shop) and dealing with a very defiant, loud, and just plain out-of-control four-year-old. Wowza. Directives were given. Choices were offered. Still yet, the force was quite strong with this one, today. Because I am the parent and he is the child, I gave him one last warning, “If you do not hold my hand and stay with me, you and I will have to go to the van.” And, boom. He’s off. Throwing a major, cataclysmic style of meltdown for all […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJun. 9, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Thank You

L. talks a lot about the people he misses from his past. There’s nothing I can do about most of them. But a couple months ago, he mentioned how much he liked and missed the police officers who took him into care in August of last year. I could do something about that. It took some digging, but I found them. They were so gracious, accommodating, and kind as I asked if L. might come and visit. They invited us to their Christmas party where the officers and staff showered L. with love and attention (and gifts). It was an […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 26, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Taking A Closer Look at Empowerment–A TBRI Principle

Do you get the idea that it’s good to empower your child, but struggle with exactly how to do it? How do you find that balance of empowering yet remaining in control? Trust-Based Relational Intervention, or TBRI, is becoming the standard for connected parenting. Schools, Child Protective Services, counselors, parents, and others recognize this and are applying these principles in their work and families. I posted a blog a couple of years ago, “Three Principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention,” that still gets a lot of traffic. Basically, the three principles are Empowerment, Connection, and Correction. If you want a quick […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 19, 2017

Forgotten Friday | My Daughter Has Her Birth Mother’s Eyes.

Yesterday we took our daughter to meet her birth mother for the first time in her (almost) 15 years of life. We were all nervous, anxious, and excited. But I had no idea I would be moved to tears. The wind was whipping down the corridors of buildings along 16th street in downtown Indianapolis. Although the sun was shining bright, it was cold. A typical late December day in Indiana. I eased the car into a spot across the street from the vintage coffee shop we were meeting in, turned the ignition off, and turned to look at my daughter […]

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Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysMay. 15, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | I’m an Inadequate Dad

“We don’t have a dad in our family,” L. remarked to me one night as I put him to bed. That’s right, bud. “But that’s kind of dangerous because dads are stronger than moms.” Yeah, that’s true. “So what if there was a bear and a wolf and a coyote?” If there was a bear and a wolf and a coyote, we would go inside and lock the door. “Oh, yeah. That would work.” It’s something that comes up from time to time. L. craves attention from and the reassuring presence of men. Just today I was helping him climb a […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 12, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Beauty from Ashes

I never thought I would make it to a Mother’s Day that my heart didn’t ache for my momma. Honestly, I thought it would always be a bittersweet reminder…a day to praise God for what I had but at the same time a day to mourn what was taken. This year is different for me. I had hope that one day I would understand, but I thought it might be 10,000 years from now. Instead, it’s today. This year is the year I KNOW that God is always good, always sovereign. He sometimes allows terrible things to happen, because He […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 5, 2017

Forgotten Friday | All the difference.

Foster care isn’t what I thought. But of course it isn’t. Expectations rarely meet the breadth and depth of human experience. Trauma leaves a greater mark than I knew on these little ones. And that leaves a greater mark on me. But hope remains. Both my own limited personal experience and Harvard’s quantitative study confirm it. Naturally, Harvard says it best: When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up […]

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Children in Foster Care, Make a Difference MondaysMay. 1, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | And Then It Got Real: My First Foster Care Experience

It started when our local Baptist Association hosted an Easter egg hunt for foster families. They were kind enough to include prospective foster parents for the event, so I was attended as well. After parking near the other cars, I watched as foster moms pulled up in minivans and mega-vans and SUVs, most with multiple kids of different races piling out. I smiled as little ones toddled around with Easter baskets bigger than they were, thinking about how real this whole thing was becoming. These were blue-eyed and brown-eyed and chubby-cheeked darlings, no longer case studies or statistics. Here were […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysApr. 24, 2017

Make a Difference Monday | Foster Moms

Foster moms, Two years ago I didn’t know anything about you, what you were capable of, your level of perseverance, or the wide range of emotions your heart fought every day. Two years ago I looked at you with admiration and anticipation… Because two years ago I sat and I waited… and waited and waited and waited on the arrival of our first long-term foster placement. Today that baby boy I was waiting to meet is much more than a long-term foster placement. He is my son. We experienced so much in the year and a half between the day we […]

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