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Category: Forgotten Fridays

Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingSep. 14, 2018

Forgotten Friday | It’s not my story to tell.

The two-year-old girls currently living in our home are the exact same height with blonde hair and only a 0.2 pound difference in their weight. I’m a biological mom to one and a foster mom to the other. They’re five months apart, and there has not been a day that I’ve gone into public with them when I’ve not been asked by a random stranger (if not 3-4 random strangers), “Are they twins?”  Usually, I politely smile and say, “No they’re not,” and the little girls continue stuffing their faces while I continue stuffing the grocery cart. My brief answer suffices […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingSep. 7, 2018

Forgotten Friday | How to Successfully Advocate for Your Children

Your job as a parent is to make sure your children receive the best possible services. Whether this is within your school system, your pediatricians office, or your family therapist’s office. You do this because you care. But what do you do when you feel like you can’t adequately communicate the needs of your child? You’ve probably experienced something like this when speaking to a professional: “It doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with him?” “I understand you believe she has a special need, but she is a great student, well-liked, and makes good grades. We are not sure she […]

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Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 31, 2018

Forgotten Friday | When Wasps Become Butterflies

When I was first born my parents were living on a countryside in rural Missouri. They rented a big, old farm house bordering the Missouri State Penitentiary that had a life of its own, including mushrooms growing from the carpet, a swarm of wasps nesting in the ceiling, an army of ants infesting the downstairs closet and so much dampness that anything made of metal soon rusted…not to mention the bricks that had to be placed under the furniture to correct the uneven floors! My parents were newly married and my father had just taken a job as a minister […]

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Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 24, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Replacing the Mom I Thought I Would Be with the Mom My Children Need

Replacing The Mom I Thought I Would Be With The Mom My Children Need… This thought has raced through my mind this week. I’ve sat on my bed, saddened, throwing my hands up in the air and thinking, “This is not what it’s supposed to feel like. This is not normal. I want to do normal things with my kids. I want to be able to take them to a late night event without worrying about giving medication or some medication wearing off, or some crazy, impulsive act, or some reaction from an attempt to grow closer.” Following several rough […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 17, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Ladybug

It had been a series of challenging weeks. Those ones full of highly emotional dialogue with no resolution surrounding our family and the future of the children we call our own. The full effect of my compassion fatigue fully set in when I hung up the phone outside of the grocery store back restroom area where I was hiding on yet another important and unplanned call regarding potential upcoming plans for children in my care. A few hours later, my four-year-old daughter found a ladybug in the car on my seat. She was outraged that I had not seen “him” […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 10, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Everyone Has a Story: The Little Boy with No Name

My heart breaks every time I think about this little 8 year old boy who lives at the residential treatment center (RTC) in our community. The majority of the children living at the RTC are in (or have been in) foster care. Most of them have been in and out of up to 7 or 8 foster homes before coming to the RTC where they get 24 hour care in a therapeutic environment. Many of these kids have experienced trauma, abuse, and neglect in more extreme forms then those in traditional foster homes. Some have been in the RTC for […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 3, 2018

Forgotten Friday | How to Parent When Your Child Can’t Live at Home

It’s a trial many parents find themselves in when their child ends up in residential treatment or juvenile detention. How do you continue to be a parent when your child lives somewhere other than home? Twice a week, I visit my son. Twice a week, I sign myself out on a lined piece of paper. Twice a week, I retrieve my belongings from a locked box as a staff member walks me to the door. Twice a week, the door swings shut behind me and as I cross the parking lot. Twice a week, my eyes well up. Twice a […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJul. 27, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Which Is Better? Obedience or Healing?

I observe my need for justice comes out in no better way than as a father. I expect my son to obey me because he is supposed to obey his father. Right Now. Seriously, I am surprised how angry I feel when he doesn’t immediately change his behavior and obey my every command. The scene usually goes down something like this…I tell my son, sometimes I ask, to do something or stop doing something else. If he complies within a few seconds, then all is right and good in the world. If he delays, complains, tries to negotiate, or any […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJul. 20, 2018

Forgotten Friday | I used to feel guilty for only requesting babies: Confession of a lightweight foster parent

Suicidal, difficult, troubled, hopeless, provocative, failure, harmful to others, dropout, no future, unattached… Yes, those descriptions bother me, too. Would you willingly throw yourself into a position to parent someone who exhibits one or all of those behaviors? Perhaps. Sweet, tender, tiny, newborn, life, giggly, cuddly, cute, dependent, beginning, hopeful future, attached… Now these words sound much more pleasant. Those precious little babies we all think about who delight others just by simply being alive. I want to foster these happy babies, the ones who have not gone through years of trauma, and I am not ashamed to say so. […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, ReunificationJul. 13, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Not My Own

Your skin is darker, your eyes are bigger, You are not my own. Your hair is curlier, your smile brighter, You are not my own. Your laugh is sweeter, your cry is deeper, You are not my own. You are not my own today, nor not my own tomorrow. Forever you will be, not my own. This is where my heart is tonight: heavy, deep, numb. The thoughts of you are so present in my mind, the burden so heavy on my heart. Who am I to you? A mother? A babysitter? A temporary caretaker? Just a stranger? These questions […]

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