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Category: Forgotten Fridays

Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, ReunificationApr. 20, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Gone.

Our precious Big D is gone. After living life together for seventeen months, gone. Most days it feels surreal. I wonder if he’s really gone. Or if he was ever really here. Knowing the truth, but feeling a variation of it. I feel like it can’t be true because I’m not yet devastated. And every other time I’ve said goodbye to a foster child, it’s been devastating. I miss Big D every day. I miss him asking if we could stop at the corner store on the way to school. I miss finding his grin and showing him mine when […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 13, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Suddenly, I Missed You

I was lifting weights today–yes, at the gym. Stick with me here. Pandora was blasting music into my eardrums as I danced along in my head. Music can take you places, and I need to be taken anywhere but the treadmill to be inspired. As the melody changed, the tunes transported me back to a mundane moment when you rested in the soft angle of my arms. In an instant, I could feel the heaviness of your infant frame. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath…but the oxygen couldn’t strong-arm the entitled emotions. Suddenly, right there on […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 6, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Can You Ever Really Bond With An Older Child?

When it comes to adopting older children, there’s often a belief that, because they’ve been through so much, it’s impossible to form a healthy bond with them. We’ve discovered something different. In our 15 years of parenting we have had the honor of participating in the lives of 23 children. Most of them returned home or went on to be adopted by their forever families; eight of them have stayed forever. Before I became a parent of an older child, I didn’t think much about bonding and attachment. I am attached to my own parents, brothers and sisters. I have […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 30, 2018

Forgotten Friday | The Top 10 Non-Negotiables When Choosing Respite Care Providers

We’re big believers in utilizing respite care when you’re a foster or adoptive parent. But, there are a few musts when it comes to choosing the right person to care for your children. We had to travel down a dangerous dirt road to get to the person’s house. After that, there was an obstacle course to get from the driveway, through the yard, and to the front door. My son was hesitant. “Dad, I’m not staying here!” he proclaimed as we knocked on the front door. Once inside, the challenge to get to her front door seemed like a walk […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 23, 2018

Forgotten Friday | “What do they call you?”

This is a question I get quite often from people curious about what our foster children call us. This is a question I had for our caseworker when we started the whole process. What in the world do I call myself to them? I’m not their mommy and since the goal is to return them to their mom and dad, I didn’t want to confuse them. Jami was absolutely too informal. And confusing and crazy when you think of it in real life. “Oh kids Mommy AND Jami loves you.” No, that does not work very well. So, what do […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 16, 2018

Forgotten Friday | The break.

We changed our world to foster Big D for seventeen months and his brother for nine. I quit my job (and luckily found a more flexible one). We put hobbies on hold and personal goals on the back burner. Now, Big D is gone. And I’m finding my way amid the whiplash of what was and what is. Or what isn’t. I thought I would jump right back in. Filling my weekends with projects and spare moments with plans. Staying busy to stay sane. Instead I find myself doing an inordinate amount of very little. Holding hands with my husband. […]

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Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 9, 2018

Forgotten Friday | The Truth About Me

It seems there’s a rumor going around that I’m some kind of exceptional person. Everywhere I go since we gained a housemate, I’m greeted with “What you are doing is amazing” and “You’re inspirational” and “You have the best hair.” (Okay. Not that one. But I really want good hair.) My inbox has been flooded peppered with over-the-top kindness from people telling me how great we are for fostering this darling boy. And this is causing me all kinds of anxiety because I know the truth, and it’s time to let the masses in on it. There’s a false belief […]

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Adoption, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 2, 2018

Forgotten Friday | The Moral Dilemma of a Foster Parent

The goal of foster care is reunification, until the state makes an argument that the parental rights should be terminated and a judge rules that decision. For us, Baby I was referred by the state with the intention that his goal will be adoption—so even though his current goal is reunification, we are hoping to eventually adopt him. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Therein lies the dilemma—as a mom, I don’t want to see his BM fail. I want her to see how amazing he is, […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingFeb. 23, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Unforgettable

I was in Baltimore on a business trip when I got the message. “Any chance you would want placement of a newborn baby boy?” my social worker asked. I didn’t need any more information than that. Of course, I wanted him. L. and I both love babies, and he would make an excellent big brother. “Now is not your time,” God said. I raced through the details and solved the problems in my mind, immediately reformatting our home and family dynamic and schedule to try to fit this precious little one. “Now is not your time.” I said no to […]

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Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingFeb. 16, 2018

Forgotten Friday | 3 Reasons Foster and Adoptive Families Will Isolate

In a world where technology connects people in more ways over any distance than in other time in history, we might be more isolated than ever. We seem to have lost our ability to, well, connect. I can hear you thinking, “Because of social media and technology, I reconnected with friends from high school and college.” or “I ‘talk’ to my family more often even though we live in different states or maybe countries.” Technology, however, will not ever replace community…doing life together. That just can’t happen via text, on social media, or in an online group forum. When you […]

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