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Category: Forgotten Fridays

Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 26, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Taking A Closer Look at Empowerment–A TBRI Principle

Do you get the idea that it’s good to empower your child, but struggle with exactly how to do it? How do you find that balance of empowering yet remaining in control? Trust-Based Relational Intervention, or TBRI, is becoming the standard for connected parenting. Schools, Child Protective Services, counselors, parents, and others recognize this and are applying these principles in their work and families. I posted a blog a couple of years ago, “Three Principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention,” that still gets a lot of traffic. Basically, the three principles are Empowerment, Connection, and Correction. If you want a quick […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 19, 2017

Forgotten Friday | My Daughter Has Her Birth Mother’s Eyes.

Yesterday we took our daughter to meet her birth mother for the first time in her (almost) 15 years of life. We were all nervous, anxious, and excited. But I had no idea I would be moved to tears. The wind was whipping down the corridors of buildings along 16th street in downtown Indianapolis. Although the sun was shining bright, it was cold. A typical late December day in Indiana. I eased the car into a spot across the street from the vintage coffee shop we were meeting in, turned the ignition off, and turned to look at my daughter […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 12, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Beauty from Ashes

I never thought I would make it to a Mother’s Day that my heart didn’t ache for my momma. Honestly, I thought it would always be a bittersweet reminder…a day to praise God for what I had but at the same time a day to mourn what was taken. This year is different for me. I had hope that one day I would understand, but I thought it might be 10,000 years from now. Instead, it’s today. This year is the year I KNOW that God is always good, always sovereign. He sometimes allows terrible things to happen, because He […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 5, 2017

Forgotten Friday | All the difference.

Foster care isn’t what I thought. But of course it isn’t. Expectations rarely meet the breadth and depth of human experience. Trauma leaves a greater mark than I knew on these little ones. And that leaves a greater mark on me. But hope remains. Both my own limited personal experience and Harvard’s quantitative study confirm it. Naturally, Harvard says it best: When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up […]

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Advocacy, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 28, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Can I Ask You Something? (Single Mom Edition)

The nurse and doctor exchanged a look—the kind of look that said, “Are you going to explain this to her, or should I?” We had been making small talk about my son—what grade he was in, the kinds of books he likes, and the silly things he says—before she started asking me about my medical history. Being a life-long single, I answered one of the most personal questions with “never.” That’s when I derailed her. It’s cool, y’all. I know how this works. I know where babies come from. Because L. is “peach” (as he says) like me, people assume […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 21, 2017

Forgotten Friday | 7 Ways You Are Making Parenting a Foster or Adopted Child Hard

Parenting might be the hardest thing in the world. And if you bring a child into your home who isn’t your biological child and is dealing with all kinds of wounds, you just raised the bar. Many times we enter into a relationship with a wounded child and think that we can parent them just like we do or would parent a biological child. It simply isn’t true. I know some foster or adoptive parents don’t deal with challenges with the children that they have brought into their home. However, most do. And about the time you think you have […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 14, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Control.

I like control. I like to choose what’s going to happen, when and how. Yes, yes. More of that, please. Instead though, I chose to parent. And in parenting, we give up control. Kids are their own little people with their own personalities and preferences. No matter how many books we read or behavior charts we make, we can’t control them. But I’m realizing, typically parents do still get to control quite a bit. At least for a while. I never really thought about all that traditional parents get to control. Until I became a foster parent. And wanted to […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Forgotten FridaysApr. 7, 2017

Forgotten Friday | My Parenting May Seem Strict, But I Have A Few Good Reasons For It

The glares, stares, and judgmental glances. We’ve seen it all in our 15 years on the adoptive and foster care journey. Particularly as we’ve worked hard to parent children with major special needs. While we owe no one an explanation, we have some solid reasons for parenting our children the way we do. It’s a mild September afternoon in Central Indiana where we live. My family and I have spent the past hour watching my oldest son play football for his 7th grade team. Another game, another victory. This team is so good it’s scary. As the clock tics down […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Education, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 31, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Are You Afraid of Your Child’s Big Emotions?

The first few years of our marriage I didn’t attune well to my wife’s emotions—especially when she got excited about something. As an expressive person, she jumped, laughed, ran around, and screamed with excitement—all while I stood with a simple smile on my face and would say, “That’s great honey.” That response, or lack thereof, always threw a wet blanket on her excitement. I definitely wasn’t attuned to her emotions. Then we got a little guy who also has big emotions. Some of this is his personality, no doubt. But most kids from a hard place come to us with […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMar. 24, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Secondary Trauma: How Your Child’s Special Needs May Be Affecting You

We know that children who have come from difficult places experience trauma, but what about you and I as parents? How do we handle the secondary trauma we experience as a result of the day in and day out battle of parenting them? “Listen, you’re blood pressure is just too high. You need to lose some weight, eat healthier and get some exercise. Getting out for a workout will lower your stress level too. I know you can find just a few minutes in your day. On your way out, stop by the front desk and schedule an appointment for […]

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