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Category: Forgotten Fridays

Adoption, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingDec. 1, 2017

Forgotten Friday | A Day I Will Never Forget

“Jami, can I ask you a favor?” I knew the distraught voice on the other end of the line was our foster kids’ mom (who was very near her due date). “Can you drive me to the hospital? We don’t have any gas in our car.” She was having contractions every two minutes and she was in a lot of pain. I was still in my PJ’s and robe and was getting my coat on to run the girls to school (in my PJ’s and robe!), so I knew I couldn’t get there right away. I encouraged her to call […]

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Education, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 24, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Uncomfortable conversations.

I find that most people don’t know much about foster care. But then again. Neither did I. Three years ago, I was just as likely as anyone else to ask the wrong question or not ask the right one. I didn’t know about the importance of attachment or what FST stood for or how the system worked. Today I may still wonder whether the system works, but I get the nuts and bolts of what’s going on. But a lot of people don’t. And so a lot of people ask questions about how long our foster son will be with […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 17, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Recognizing Signs of Sexual Abuse as a Foster Parent

Foster parents have a duty to be an advocate for the children in their care. Often, these children come from troubled homes and have been victims of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. While signs of physical abuse are fairly obvious, indications that a child has suffered sexual abuse can be less clear. There are several indicators of sexual abuse, that, taken as a grouping or pattern, should prompt foster parents to inform a pediatrician and law enforcement. Four Possible Signs of Abuse The signs below would be considered post-abuse, as opposed to signs that abuse has very recently (within 24-48 […]

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Children in Foster Care, Education, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 10, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Understanding Reactive Attachment Disorder

Our kids (both adopted from foster care) have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Kids with RAD engage in intense power struggles with their caregivers because they have learned their previous caregivers didn’t do a good job of meeting their needs. For our kids, here’s what these power struggles look like: If we give our kids a two-step instruction, they do the second step before they do the first step. If we ask them to put on their coat before school, they’ll put on their backpack instead. I laid out a lightweight coat for my daughter last week during our 50-60 degree weather […]

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Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingNov. 3, 2017

Forgotten Friday | You’re Going to Cry

Considering foster care, but worried about the risk it may pose to your heart and your family if you move forward? Perfect. I’m glad you’re here! And since you’re here, let’s go ahead and get one thing straight… You’re going to cry. Let yourself. Because there is nothing joyful about families being torn apart. Broken homes and broken bodies are not a laughing matter. Because you might be the fifth family the one year old has lived with, and she will have a hard time attaching to you, she’s never learned to attach, and the idea is overwhelming for her […]

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Children in Foster Care, Education, Forgotten FridaysOct. 27, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Why Won’t Your Foster or Adopted Child Look You in the Eyes?

My son is just now beginning to look me in the eyes when I talk to him. He is almost seven and has been in our family for six years. Sometimes I gently hold his cheek and ask him to look at me. He seems to try, but he looks at the ceiling, to either side, glances at my eyes for a split second, then quickly looks away. I feel sadness rather than anger or frustration. My father heart longs for his trust; for him to feel safe with me. As I said, he is looking into my eyes now […]

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Education, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingOct. 20, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Speaking back to the stereotypes of foster parents

I came across this video on the interwebs made by What Would You Do?, one of those hidden camera shows that stages scenarios in order to see what kind of reaction they receive from onlookers. This particular staged situation portrays foster parents as greedy people only in foster care for the money who treat their foster kids as second-class children. The video is a little over eight minutes long, but it took me about 20 minutes to watch; I had to walk away a few times because it made me so mad. Here are three reasons why I take issue […]

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Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingOct. 13, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Measuring Up

A toddler sits besides me in a chair clipped on to our large family kitchen table. He’s a baby I didn’t birth and he certainly appears that way. He’s got a story riddled with pain and trauma and transition. His little heart holds enough grief most of us would never want to know. I held him in a newborn nursery while his mother couldn’t, but he doesn’t know that yet. And this is our normal. My youngest children fight to hold a new toddler that is carried in by a case worker after dinner one night. The child has fallen […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Forgotten FridaysOct. 6, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Honesty and Redemption

“What do you want me to do with this? What am I supposed to do with this?” I cried to God as I sat on a bench outside my office. Just a couple hours earlier, I had spent my lunch break on that same bench praying and fasting. Every day in this ministry is hard. The weight is so heavy, I feel like I’m physically getting shorter some days, and I prefer to shrink alone. When I’m dealing with hard things, I tend to isolate myself because that just seems easier. I hide from friends. I hide from family. I […]

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Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, Vulnerable ParentsSep. 29, 2017

Forgotten Friday | The War Within the Walls of My Heart

We share a son–we don’t really, but we do. You gave him life, I’m giving him living. This wasn’t the way any of this was meant to be. He was formed inside of you and birthed into your arms. Then he came home from the sterile walls of the hospital to mine. You were so deep into your addiction that you couldn’t choose the very thing that could free you from it all. You couldn’t choose him. So I did. And with that choosing came unexpected encounters with the deepest places of my heart. People have said things about you […]

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