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Category: Forgotten Fridays

Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, Vulnerable ParentsSep. 29, 2017

Forgotten Friday | The War Within the Walls of My Heart

We share a son–we don’t really, but we do. You gave him life, I’m giving him living. This wasn’t the way any of this was meant to be. He was formed inside of you and birthed into your arms. Then he came home from the sterile walls of the hospital to mine. You were so deep into your addiction that you couldn’t choose the very thing that could free you from it all. You couldn’t choose him. So I did. And with that choosing came unexpected encounters with the deepest places of my heart. People have said things about you […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingSep. 22, 2017

Forgotten Friday | How Do You Get Through to a Child Who Doesn’t Think Logically?

We used to think that carrying a piece of drywall around with us so we could bang our head into it every time we had to re-explain something to our kid, or try to reason with him, was the ticket. And then, we discovered a better way to connect. A friend and I were recently talking about our kids when he said something I totally identified with: “Mike, he just doesn’t think. It’s like there’s no ability to think logically. I tell him to not do something and he does it anyway, even though he knows he’ll be in trouble!” […]

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Forgotten FridaysSep. 15, 2017

Forgotten Friday | You Are Not Ready To Be a Foster Parent If…

In my job, I often speak to families who are curious about foster parenting. Some of them come to the decision to foster as a way to fulfill what they believe to be a calling in their lives. Others have adult children, are now empty-nesters, and continue to have the desire to parent. There are also many who start the journey of foster parenting after years of infertility, and in hopes that fostering might eventually lead to adoption. All of these reasons are significant. They all carry a deep motivation to help meet the needs of at-risk children in our […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingSep. 8, 2017

Forgotten Friday | A Mess

Feeling sick all day, along with a rainy evening, meant one thing in my book: grits and eggs for supper. The family gone to church, I decided to cook some up just for me. I put the grits in the microwave (I know, they’re better on the stove…ain’t nobody got time for that) and moved on to beat the eggs. I thought to check the grits 27 seconds too late. They had bubbled over into a sticky, gritty mess. In my clean microwave. And if there is one thing I HATE to clean, it’s the microwave. . Argh. What a […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingSep. 1, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Serving the masses, seeing the one

Our swagger-wagon inched along…no, centimeter-ed along…in a long lineup of cars just one block away from the Disneyland main parking structure. It was 9:00 in the morning and this was only a glimpse of what was in store for us at our destination. Three boys sat in the back, crazy with anticipation for the exciting day ahead. Our foster agency designated this particular Saturday to treat its foster families to a day of family fun and bonding, helping to create lasting, precious memories for children and families impacted by trauma. Why were there SO many people today? After 45 minutes, […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 25, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Tension.

We often talk of finding the right balance. Eating a balanced diet. Achieving work-life balance. Frankly, I don’t believe in balance. It’s all tension. A teacher once explained how when two things are pulling you in different directions, that’s tension. Not balance. Life and foster care are riddled with tension. Treating my foster child to the chips he knows and loves OR encouraging him to enjoy a healthier palate. Showing him grace when he missteps OR teaching him about consequences. Helping him with his homework OR inviting his independence. The list goes on of course. With both sides having merit. […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 18, 2017

Forgotten Friday | The Agony of Attaching to Foster Kids

Three weeks after I gave birth to my first child, I sat sobbing in a glider. I was sitting in a nursery where everything was new–cute crib, tiny clothes, fresh baby, new life. And with all of the unfamiliar came a surge of scary emotions. She had been screaming for what seemed like hours and my comfort measures weren’t working. After nursing, hushing, bouncing, walking and changing diapers for this little life, my weary arms still held a screaming baby. I suddenly wanted to throw her out of our second-story window or shake her to stop. I was worn out and I didn’t […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 11, 2017

Forgotten Friday | To his first mommy, on his second birthday

I’m still figuring these birthdays out… …on his sister’s birthday I am overwhelmed with memories and emotions of the day and the miracles that brought her to us ten weeks early. But today, his birthday, feels a little different. I wasn’t there. In fact, I didn’t know he was being born or existed in this world for another six days. I was clueless… It was a Sunday, and I was in Georgia sharing this adorable photo and celebrating my sister’s birthday with my family. The day before I was relishing in a Clemson win over South Carolina… …and the day […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 4, 2017

Forgotten Friday | 1 Corinthians 13 for the Foster Parent

If I speak with the wisdom of Keck and Kupecky, but do not have love, I become a nagging, droning horn in the distance. If I have the gift of Love and Logic, and know all mysteries and all knowledge of the effects of trauma on a young brain; and if I have all faith in the research and parenting techniques of Heather T. Forbes, Foster W. Cline and Karyn Purvis, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give up my lucrative job to become a parent to children in foster care, and if I surrender […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJul. 28, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Best interest.

Often we debate what’s in the best interest of a child. Number of activities? Dinner routines? Discipline methods? But rarely do we debate who is in the best interest of the child. That agonizing question is saved for divorces and foster care. Here, a judge, a stranger to the child, somehow has to determine who should care for and raise her. And I can’t imagine the weight of that question. In foster care, the judge has to consider the biological parent, who despite his faults, is the one adult this child has known all her life long. The one adult […]

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