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Category: Forgotten Fridays

Advocacy, Family Support, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJun. 30, 2017

Forgotten Friday | The American Mission Field

We spent some time last week with a few missionaries. They were at church as part of an annual celebration of support and awareness for worldwide missions. We met in small groups for a picnic and some shared personal stories from their ministries. A question was posed to one of the missionaries, “What is your greatest need right now?” The answer didn’t amaze me, it actually affirmed my suspicions–native workers. This guy was from a foreign country and his greatest need was for his own people to become aware of and respond to the needs in their very community. That’s […]

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Children in Foster Care, Family Support, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJun. 16, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Don’t Ever Forget That {words for parents of special needs kids}

Oh, boy. There is nothing like being at a busy and popular outdoors store (aka: the “big” Bass Pro Shop) and dealing with a very defiant, loud, and just plain out-of-control four-year-old. Wowza. Directives were given. Choices were offered. Still yet, the force was quite strong with this one, today. Because I am the parent and he is the child, I gave him one last warning, “If you do not hold my hand and stay with me, you and I will have to go to the van.” And, boom. He’s off. Throwing a major, cataclysmic style of meltdown for all […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJun. 9, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Thank You

L. talks a lot about the people he misses from his past. There’s nothing I can do about most of them. But a couple months ago, he mentioned how much he liked and missed the police officers who took him into care in August of last year. I could do something about that. It took some digging, but I found them. They were so gracious, accommodating, and kind as I asked if L. might come and visit. They invited us to their Christmas party where the officers and staff showered L. with love and attention (and gifts). It was an […]

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Family Support, Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, Vulnerable ParentsJun. 2, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Bio mom.

We all come to the table with ideas, assumptions and prejudices. Whether we like it or not. When I met my foster son’s biological mother nine months ago, I stood back. Stayed back intentionally. Fears and questions filled my head and my heart. Allowing polite civility but not warm friendship. I was cautious. ​Time changes things though. And time has changed me and changed our relationship. Now, we go in for a hug after she has a visit with Big D. I don’t block my number on days we call her to check in. And when she asks me to […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 26, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Taking A Closer Look at Empowerment–A TBRI Principle

Do you get the idea that it’s good to empower your child, but struggle with exactly how to do it? How do you find that balance of empowering yet remaining in control? Trust-Based Relational Intervention, or TBRI, is becoming the standard for connected parenting. Schools, Child Protective Services, counselors, parents, and others recognize this and are applying these principles in their work and families. I posted a blog a couple of years ago, “Three Principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention,” that still gets a lot of traffic. Basically, the three principles are Empowerment, Connection, and Correction. If you want a quick […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 19, 2017

Forgotten Friday | My Daughter Has Her Birth Mother’s Eyes.

Yesterday we took our daughter to meet her birth mother for the first time in her (almost) 15 years of life. We were all nervous, anxious, and excited. But I had no idea I would be moved to tears. The wind was whipping down the corridors of buildings along 16th street in downtown Indianapolis. Although the sun was shining bright, it was cold. A typical late December day in Indiana. I eased the car into a spot across the street from the vintage coffee shop we were meeting in, turned the ignition off, and turned to look at my daughter […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 12, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Beauty from Ashes

I never thought I would make it to a Mother’s Day that my heart didn’t ache for my momma. Honestly, I thought it would always be a bittersweet reminder…a day to praise God for what I had but at the same time a day to mourn what was taken. This year is different for me. I had hope that one day I would understand, but I thought it might be 10,000 years from now. Instead, it’s today. This year is the year I KNOW that God is always good, always sovereign. He sometimes allows terrible things to happen, because He […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingMay. 5, 2017

Forgotten Friday | All the difference.

Foster care isn’t what I thought. But of course it isn’t. Expectations rarely meet the breadth and depth of human experience. Trauma leaves a greater mark than I knew on these little ones. And that leaves a greater mark on me. But hope remains. Both my own limited personal experience and Harvard’s quantitative study confirm it. Naturally, Harvard says it best: When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up […]

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Advocacy, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 28, 2017

Forgotten Friday | Can I Ask You Something? (Single Mom Edition)

The nurse and doctor exchanged a look—the kind of look that said, “Are you going to explain this to her, or should I?” We had been making small talk about my son—what grade he was in, the kinds of books he likes, and the silly things he says—before she started asking me about my medical history. Being a life-long single, I answered one of the most personal questions with “never.” That’s when I derailed her. It’s cool, y’all. I know how this works. I know where babies come from. Because L. is “peach” (as he says) like me, people assume […]

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Adoption, Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingApr. 21, 2017

Forgotten Friday | 7 Ways You Are Making Parenting a Foster or Adopted Child Hard

Parenting might be the hardest thing in the world. And if you bring a child into your home who isn’t your biological child and is dealing with all kinds of wounds, you just raised the bar. Many times we enter into a relationship with a wounded child and think that we can parent them just like we do or would parent a biological child. It simply isn’t true. I know some foster or adoptive parents don’t deal with challenges with the children that they have brought into their home. However, most do. And about the time you think you have […]

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