Blog Archives

Category: Foster Parenting

Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 10, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Everyone Has a Story: The Little Boy with No Name

My heart breaks every time I think about this little 8 year old boy who lives at the residential treatment center (RTC) in our community. The majority of the children living at the RTC are in (or have been in) foster care. Most of them have been in and out of up to 7 or 8 foster homes before coming to the RTC where they get 24 hour care in a therapeutic environment. Many of these kids have experienced trauma, abuse, and neglect in more extreme forms then those in traditional foster homes. Some have been in the RTC for […]

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Foster Parenting, Make a Difference Mondays, ReunificationAug. 6, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Saying Hello to the Next Goodbye

We lost a baby a week ago. Not to death, but to life. A new life. One without us in it. With one last kiss, my lips sank into his soft cheeks and his life with us was over. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe him in, knowing when I opened them again, the world would look and feel very different. Every minute, every memory thus far was filled with me–with us. I was still his mama for a few more fleeting moments. I opened my eyes and forced out a smile as I passed him back to […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingAug. 3, 2018

Forgotten Friday | How to Parent When Your Child Can’t Live at Home

It’s a trial many parents find themselves in when their child ends up in residential treatment or juvenile detention. How do you continue to be a parent when your child lives somewhere other than home? Twice a week, I visit my son. Twice a week, I sign myself out on a lined piece of paper. Twice a week, I retrieve my belongings from a locked box as a staff member walks me to the door. Twice a week, the door swings shut behind me and as I cross the parking lot. Twice a week, my eyes well up. Twice a […]

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Encouragement, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysJul. 30, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | That Donkey Will Bite You

Kids don’t listen the first time. At least, not mine. I mean, they come the first time you say, “Want a snack?” but they certainly don’t hear you say, “Don’t hit your brother” and file that in the permanent log. That’s the thing you repeat a thousand times. We were at a petting zoo recently with my family. The kids were feeding this sweet old donkey (through a fence) — kernels of corn right out of their hands. Excitement! But then the corn ran out. A youthful member of our party put his hand back through the fence. I cautioned […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJul. 27, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Which Is Better? Obedience or Healing?

I observe my need for justice comes out in no better way than as a father. I expect my son to obey me because he is supposed to obey his father. Right Now. Seriously, I am surprised how angry I feel when he doesn’t immediately change his behavior and obey my every command. The scene usually goes down something like this…I tell my son, sometimes I ask, to do something or stop doing something else. If he complies within a few seconds, then all is right and good in the world. If he delays, complains, tries to negotiate, or any […]

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Children in Foster Care, Encouragement, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysJul. 23, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Don’t Waste the Wait

I’m a dreamer. I’m a doer. I can’t stand stagnation. I need my plate full, my to do list long and my next challenge in sight. I want to press on at full speed and I find myself in eager anticipation for the next adventure. And I HATE waiting. I’ve always been this way. Then God called me into foster care. cricket…cricket… First, I waited for God to move on my husband’s heart. That’s enough to kill a woman. Then we waited for weeks as we endured thirty hours of educational classes that qualified us to take the next step. […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster ParentingJul. 20, 2018

Forgotten Friday | I used to feel guilty for only requesting babies: Confession of a lightweight foster parent

Suicidal, difficult, troubled, hopeless, provocative, failure, harmful to others, dropout, no future, unattached… Yes, those descriptions bother me, too. Would you willingly throw yourself into a position to parent someone who exhibits one or all of those behaviors? Perhaps. Sweet, tender, tiny, newborn, life, giggly, cuddly, cute, dependent, beginning, hopeful future, attached… Now these words sound much more pleasant. Those precious little babies we all think about who delight others just by simply being alive. I want to foster these happy babies, the ones who have not gone through years of trauma, and I am not ashamed to say so. […]

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Advocacy, Children in Foster Care, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference MondaysJul. 16, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | Let Us Stop the Talk and Do Something

I get so discouraged when I hear Christians bash others and talk about all the problems we face in the world, but don’t seem to really do much more than talk. I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this or that, but now I pray that He will guide me to do whatever I’m supposed to do. I used to pray for answers, but now I’m praying for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things. –Mother Teresa God has called my […]

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Children in Foster Care, Forgotten Fridays, Foster Parenting, ReunificationJul. 13, 2018

Forgotten Friday | Not My Own

Your skin is darker, your eyes are bigger, You are not my own. Your hair is curlier, your smile brighter, You are not my own. Your laugh is sweeter, your cry is deeper, You are not my own. You are not my own today, nor not my own tomorrow. Forever you will be, not my own. This is where my heart is tonight: heavy, deep, numb. The thoughts of you are so present in my mind, the burden so heavy on my heart. Who am I to you? A mother? A babysitter? A temporary caretaker? Just a stranger? These questions […]

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Encouragement, Foster Parenting, Make a Difference Mondays, ReunificationJul. 9, 2018

Make a Difference Monday | How to Support Reunification, Even if You Don’t Want to

If you are a foster parent, you know the word “reunification” comes up a lot. As it now stands, there is a federal law that mandates courts and child welfare agencies to work towards reunification with a biological parent upon children entering care. The law gives fifteen out of twenty-two months for efforts to rectify the reason that children entered care and to assure safety once placed back in the home. People often say, “I could never foster because I could not give the children back.” This is a reasonable response, but it is possible to support the reunification process […]

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